I have been working on a number of posts for the last couple of weeks (I am trying to be prompt at doing a post at least once a week). Unfortunately “real world events” ™ have got in the way of finishing them.
I am hoping that this blog has never been mawkish, even though I have described some rather personal problems here. This entry may cross the line….
When I was younger (9-10 years old) I contracted Rheumatic Fever and with that a heart murmur. I was sick for a long time… some months and evidently I was lucky to survive. The fact that I tried to play soccer with my brother, after he came home from school, almost every day was probably not the best recovery plan! The doctors told me (or more accurately, my mother) that I probably wouldn’t make 50 and I wouldn’t be able to be very physically active.
Hah! I showed them. I suppose that 50 is still a little way off for me, but I did play soccer professionally in Australia and I have even scored an international goal against Brazil in Futsal. During this period, I would often be tested at the Australian Institute of Sport and there was never a mention of anything wrong with me physically. I had an incident when I was 21 or 22 when I may have had a mild cardiac infarction. Basically I was found unconscious in my car and spent a couple of hours with some chest pains, shortness of breath etc etc and after being taken to emergency ended up being ok. (I suppose I must state that I am not a doctor and this is all what memory tells me, and what my mother told me before she died. It is rather weird not to have concrete details of all this – and would have made the last couple of years a lot easier if I had had documentation).
I haven’t told too many people about this for lots of reasons. Mainly it has not been anyone else’s business or more importantly they probably wouldn’t care anyway. We all have pasts that have hidden little bumps and bruises.
Now, with all that has been going on for the last year, some anomalies have come up. I have had to undergo a number of different tests (rather standard tests) over the last year to try and work out what has been going wrong with my health. The weirdest was undergoing an EKG at a local test centre here (and why do we use the German Elektrokardiogramm as the standard term for this?). The woman administering the test looked quite upset and had to rush out of the room and bring someone more senior in. This is, of course, always a comforting thing for the patient to observe. When I returned to my GP to find out the results of my test, she informed me that there was something strange appearing in the EKG and she then referred me to a cardiologist. The cardiologist also gave me an EKG, talked to me for 10 minutes getting an anamnesis, He also told me that there was an irregularity in my EKG and wanted me to return in a couple of weeks for an extensive number of tests (including having a 24 hour heart monitor). All of this showed that my heart stops beating… quite regularly, actually. The cardiologist said that he couldn’t quite tell what was wrong and “suggested” that I undergo an angiogram. There were several rather serious outcomes that could cause this, and one rather benign one.
I shall spare you the details of that procedure. It is actually rather painless, quite quick and all together not too much of a stress. The fact that everyone is prescribed valium for the treatment is completely co-incidental
The only downside is that you are kept in hospital for hours for pre- and post- monitoring, and that it takes quite a few days to fully recover from the local bruising etc.
The results are clear. Completely, and utterly clear. In the words of my cardiologist when I asked him:
“So why does my heart stop every so many beats”
“Your heart is just made that way…”
After living with this for 35 years it is weird to wake up and not have the spectre of something like this hanging over your head, even if you keep it in the deep dark shadows. I really haven’t consciously consider my mortality for a long, long time. I just accepted that it was the way it was (I have the same attitude to my eyesight. I have needed glasses for my whole life, and often people have suggested to me that I have laser surgery. I really am not interested in this. My eyesight is very much part of what and who I am). I feel better. I feel relieved, very relieved in fact. The last few weeks (the subject of the “blocked” blogs”) have been very good to me, and I am so happy that I should be able to enjoy what is going to happen.